The other person in pregnancy
A Chinese Medicine physician’s 5 points
No, I’m not talking about the baby here. I refer to the partner.
Enjoy the pregnancy! I do not say that frivolously. Your partner’s pregnancy is a testament to the creative powers of the both of you and I don’t mean just the nuts and bolts of creativity. I am also not suggesting that those who have difficulties falling pregnant are any less. They are not. However, your situation is different; so, enjoy. There are some things, though, you can do as the partner. Your wife will be carrying the child which means all the attention will be showered on her. It is very easy to allow yourself to be sidelined.
1) Support her:
Ask what her needs are but also be aware of you own. Unless you are both telepaths, talk, communicate. Your wife may have fears, especially if this pregnancy had been rather hard to achieve. Pregnancy also plays havoc on the hormones of a woman’s body and can create mood swings for some. On the physical side, in the later stages, there is the physical strain on her body. That can be rather strenuous. Recognise those factors and it may explain why she behaves the way she does. You don’t have to be the strong man/woman, all stiff upper lip and shouldering the weight of the world. Be aware of your needs too and focus on the practical things to make small changes for a better time. Talk to her.
Not a great idea in the first trimester. The vigour may just cause some issues especially if there has been a history of miscarriages. But hey, sex is not defined by penetration alone – cuddles, fondles, and use-your-imagination-be-creative approach can be wonderfully fun and relaxing. When you are happy, the intimacy simply deepens your bonding. When she is happy, the pregnancy can be even more delightful.
3) A little exercise:
Imagine what life will be like for the both of you, and for your other children if this is not your first. Do this a few times over different stages of the pregnancy. Imagine how the new bab will fit in when born, at age 2, 5, 12, 20, 35! What are your hopes and dreams for the little ‘un (and their siblings)? In other words, express to each other your expectations of self and of the other.
Take time to understand what the various tests your partner is undergoing, from the blood through to the scans and the midwife’s examinations. It gets you involved in the journey rather than just being a bystander. And it’s a good way of showing your support to your partner.
5) Your choice:
Most important: remember whom you chose to be with for the rest of your life. Children can be a great expression of that coupling but neither your wife nor you chose them to be life companions.
Be involved – from the start!
Communicate with each other.
Seek advice when feeling stressed out.
Book an appointment with me (of course!)